|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: We were together for nine months before his first girlfriend told him she still loved him. He's left me to be with her, and now I want him back. What should I do? Sameera
A: Don't bother. Let him dwell in the past while you waltz into the future. Any man who is still hung up on the past will do you no justice. Either you can dwell in jealousy, revenge, negativity and self-doubt or credit this as an eye-opener that showed you his lack of commitment. This is the perfect reason to start afresh.
Q: I love my boyfriend, but I've been best friends with this other guy for four years and now there's an attraction between us. I don't know what to do. The guilt is killing me. Please don't tell me to evaluate my options because I've tried doing that and it doesn't work. I feel like I might cheat even though I don't want to. Laila, Lahore
A: No one can make you do anything you don't want to. All I can say is that if you cheat even though you don't want to; make sure you also respect your boyfriend enough to break up with him, even though you don't want to. Don't take the convenient route to accepting what you have and don't have control over. It's a slimy excuse, because you want to have your cake and eat it too.
Q: I am a single, young, attractive woman of 25. Some men are intimated by me and don't come up to me. I am left to make the first move, but I sometimes feel that is not good. I read in every women's magazine that a man seeks the thrill of chasing a woman. If I ask a man out, I feel that he will lose interest because it won't be a cat and mouse game. If I don't, I might let a good man pass by me. I don't understand these rules or if they even matter at the end of the day. Bareerah, Karachi
A: There's a book titled The Rules and it's a gospel for many girls that want to enter into long-term relationships. I identify with your feeling that most men are intimidated by a woman's beauty, success, personality, etc; but instead of making move, I have always reasoned that I don't want a coward or a man that has inferiority complexes in my life in any case. It would only result in complications later on. Besides, and I say this from experience, there are many men out there who are not only up for a challenge, but respect a woman for her strength. Wait for the right one.
Q: I am a 25-year-old woman who got engaged to a 30-year-old man living in London, through an arranged set-up. His thoughts are very modern, while I am from a typical Pakistani conservative family. There are many differences in our thoughts and opinions, in almost all aspects, from dressing, to work to commitment to relationships, etc. We don't speak very often though. He's always busy during the week and weekends are for relaxation. We speak once a week. I am worried we won't be able to get along. My family is very impressed with him. I don't know what to do. Sara, Karachi
A: It's amazing that the two of you and your families entered this union where you are emotionally, mentally, professionally, culturally and geographically apart, with eyes wide open. However, just because you've dipped your toes into the water doesn't mean you have to dive in. Marriage is about compatibility, so if you see it as an opportunity to change, spread your wings and fly, it has potential. However, if you want to hold on to conservatism because it is familiar and if every aspect is filled with dissent and conflict then the purpose of a life together is defeated. Be open and honest with yourself and with your family.