|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I am 20 years old. I've been in love with my college mate for the past two years, but he's lost interest in me. His words and actions are very painful and depressing. He also said that loving me was the biggest mistake of his life. I really can't understand what made him change so much. I'm very sure he does not have any other affairs. All I wanted from him was to be truthful to me and share everything. Is this how relationships are? Won't they last more than two years? Fifi
A: Relationships in your teens are tempestuous and, though filled with passion, seem to lack durability. You asked him to be truthful and when he is, you seem to resent it. Of course, break-ups are painful, but your cashing him with phone calls despite him asking you to keep a distance clearly represents your inability to accept this as a reality. It's okay for people to meet, connect and sometimes move on. Break-ups are a good time for reflection and analysis, and I suggest you treat this as a positive learning experience. Thank him for all the good times, and don't resent that fact it didn't last forever. In fact, be happy you found out now and didn't waste more time over something that was not meant to be.
Q: I have been in a relationship for the last six years and love him a lot. He was my senior in college. We have had lots of good and bad times together and I believe that I am incomplete without him. But he belongs to another sect, so our families are against our marriage. My mother is a single parent and she has fixed my marriage with someone else, but I want to marry my boyfriend, with her blessings. What should I do? Sadia Ali, Karachi
A: Neither of you took permission to be in a six-year relationship despite knowing your parents had issues with it and clearly sectarian difference is not an issue for the two of you. You have two options: one is to marry each other and hope that the parents eventually relent, and the second is to inform them you both have no intentions of living an emotionally compromised life by marrying anyone else. So as and when they feel the need for you both to be settled, have children and be in a stable, secure and happy space, they should let you know.
Q: I am 20 and have a fiancé who lives abroad. When we first met and fell in love a year ago, he was a very nice guy. But now everything has changed, he controls every aspect of my life. I can't wear makeup because he doesn't like it, not even lip gloss. Even my parents have never objected to this. I have always dreamt of becoming a flight attendant, but he didn't want me to pursue that. I am losing interest in him, but don't want to leave him because everyone in my family likes him and won't let me end this thing. How do I deal with this problem? Maliha, Karachi
A: Please be upfront with your family. How can they be supportive of a guy who doesn't allow you to look your best or live your dreams and, most importantly, is someone you care less and less about each passing day? Eventually, it's you who has to spend a life with him, not them. So just know it has to be about what you can live with over what they approve of.