Heart TO Heart

Q: I am a 24-year-old student. I met my boyfriend online two year ago. We are in a long-distance relationship currently, but since the last one month, he's lost interest in me. He says he is tired of love and relationships. He is also stressed about his failing business. After two months, I'll be in Karachi for my postgraduate. I strongly believe I can bring him back to me by spending time with him. How can I make him fall in love with me again? Saima Waqar, Lahore
A: You date him online for two years and just two months before you make the move, he shows reluctance to continue? Perhaps he was only looking for emotional support all this while and doesn't want to invest time, money, effort and energy into sustaining a relationship. If it makes you feel better, once you get there, give it a shot and perhaps things might work out. If not, why on earth are you wasting your time wanting a jobless man who doesn't love you?

Q: I'm 27 years old and have never had a serious relationships till now. My parents have been searching for suitors for the past three years, but they have not been successful. Recently, I found this nice guy via a matrimonial website. We were so close to finalising the proposal when my dad objected saying they were middle class and not rich. I was totally shattered because I felt he was perfect: he is tall, stylish, has studied abroad and is working in a multinational company. My friends told me to talk to my dad, but I can't get through to him. I am unable to get over this man. Farah, Karachi
A: Don't let desperation and haste make the first semi-decent candidate seem like George Clooney. At the same time, you need to be flexible and get to know the potential groom without prejudice. The reason you haven't found anyone through a matrimonial website for three years is because it's an alliance, not a love marriage and many boxes have to be ticked by family members for it to get the green signal. Perhaps you should have a chat with your family about what aspects everyone is willing to compromise on for future proposals and discuss the pros and cons of each checked and unchecked box.

Q: I have been in a relationship for three years and he's a very loving man. But every time we go out and some man passes a lewd stare, my boyfriend gets into a fight. There are fists flying everywhere. It is so embarrassing, especially since those stares and occasional comments never bother me and are totally harmless. I've told him so many times that I don't want him to behave like this, but he just doesn't listen. What do I do? Naveen, Karachi
A: You have used the words 'lewd stares', but then you say they're totally harmless. It's understandable that anyone who loves you and is protective about you will react. What's strange is that this happens every time you go out and hence he is constantly in a state of anxiety. His getting upset is rational, but perhaps his methods of expression can be altered. There are anger management techniques and counsellors for this and perhaps even clinical hypnotherapy may help calm the negative charge within him.

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