|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: My boyfriend is friends with girls and has had girlfriends in the past too. He still meets some girls and says they are just friends. What do I do? Ayesha
A: Relationships are based on trust and though it's normal to feel a tinge of jealousy when your loved one interacts with the opposite sex, you have to be confident of how he feels about you. Also, if you choose to believe uncomplimentary traits attributed to him, and think he is capable of fooling around, why are you with him? Go with the flow, and only if he gives you good reason to doubt him, should you worry.
Q: I am a 28-year-old woman, married to a 30-year-old man. We had an arranged marriage four months ago, but his friends are his top priority. He leaves for work at 9am and comes home at 9pm. Then he leaves for his nightly tennis session, followed by hanging out with friends. He returns home after 11pm, eats and goes to sleep. When I try to be close to him, he says he is too sleepy. He gets angry even when I try to hug him in the morning. If I tell him to come home soon, he says it's my duty to wait for him. On Sundays, he watches TV and the evenings are booked for his friends. What could possibly be the reason for this behaviour? I am very upset, as he shouts at me when I raise this issue. What should I do? Please help. Sara, Karachi
A: Given that it is an arranged marriage, chances are that you're quite simply not his type. Or it could be that he is in love with someone else and is angry he was pushed into an arranged marriage. Communication is the key to creating compatibility and closeness, so I suggest that if talking to him is not fruitful, try a counsellor to see if some solutions can be found. If he refuses, talk to your parents and his parents too.
Q: I have been in love with a man for the past six years. Now my parents have decided to get me married to another person. My boyfriend still wants to stay in touch with me, even after we get married, without his wife's and my husband's knowledge. I don't know what to do. Nadia, Karachi
A: Please do not enter a beautiful institution like marriage with such a negative attitude. How awful to start a life with the father of your future children, a man who will be your life partner, with betrayal, emotional infidelity and half-heartedness. Can you explain to me why you would choose to live a compromised life and not just marry the man you love? I suggest you stay single or marry each other. Just because both of you lack courage to live your lives on your terms doesn't entitle you to destroy the lives and dreams of the two people that will enter your lives.
Q: I had an arranged marriage 12 years ago and have a nine-year-old daughter. I run my own business, where I met a man three years ago. He is divorced and has a child too. I fell in love with him; he is everything I want in my dream man. The problem is he is very ambitious and can't spare time for me. His business and family affairs are his first priority. He finds time for me once or twice in a month for only an hour. He doesn't talk much with me either. I am too depressed, especially since I found love after the age of 30. Should I quit this relationship?
A: How is he your dream man? He is a workaholic, has no time for you and clearly doesn't have great chemistry with you. If that's your definition of a dream man. I think you've set the bar way too low.