Q: I’m a student who happens to be in a relationship with a guy who follows a different sect and is also a Punjabi. We have been in a relationship since over a year. My father found out about us and he has turned extremely strict with me and doesn’t allow me to go outside the house. He says that if the boy’s family comes with a proposal he will think about it and has no issues with that but the problem is the boy’s father. He wants a girl who strictly follows the sect they belong to and wants a Punjabi girl only. I’m willing to convert as we are madly in love but that can lead to consequences from my family. I can’t see a way out of it. Anonymous.
A: You knew you were falling for a boy who belongs to a different sect so you should have realised about the consequences that would follow eventually. That said, all your fears need to be put aside if you intend to take this relationship forward. Your family as you’ve mentioned will have problems with you converting and you also know that. In such a scenario, your boyfriend should be helping you out when the entire world is against you two, or so it seems. Sit down with him and make him understand that he needs to talk things out with his family too for simply comprises from one end can never make a relationship work, especially not when you plan on getting hitched.
Q: My problem is concerned with my married daughter. She has four kids and all of them are boys. Her husband doesn’t have a satisfactory income which results in them having a lot of financial issues. I, being the grandmother help the family out as much as I can as I do not want the children’s education to suffer. Not only do I finance their education, but I also help my daughter in carrying out the daily chores. I was shocked to hear when she recently told me that she plans on having another child for she wants a girl. Even though I repeatedly explained to her that having another child is burdening the family further. She is not open to this view of mine and gets upset whenever I try talking on this topic. I don’t have a lot of financial reserves on my end too so I can’t promise to help her out. Need your advice on this. Hajra
A: You were there for your daughter when she needed you, that is when she was growing up. You did your part in raising your child. As for your daughter, she needs to realise that her kids are her and her husband’s responsibility. Wanting to have more kids despite knowing that making ends meet is difficult already is not a reasonable approach at all. You don’t have to be there helping your daughter out all the time, instead you need to enjoy your life too. Socialise with your friend circle or engage yourself in an activity that interests you and keep in mind that you don’t have to do the house chores all the time. Try saying no when you feel the need and restrict your visits to your daughter’s place. Also, make your son-in-law and daughter sit together and conduct an open, frank discussion with them telling them about the responsibilities they have at their hand and that at this age you can’t help them out physically. Advice them to properly plan out how they can save money and your daughter can also assist her husband by working and contributing to the household income. Make them understand the repercussions of their actions and that it is for their own good that you are advising them to not plan out another child. Tell them you have limited finances left on you which can’t necessarily be spent on them all the time for you need to look after your own needs as well.