|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I love a boy who talks to me about his girlfriends. Nowadays his friends are under the impression that I am his girlfriend. I have also observed a change in his behaviour but I think he is not in love with me. It is hampering my studies and I need to tell him what I feel about him. But the problem is he always tells everything to his friends. How can I tell him how much I am in love with him? Sara
A: Only he can answer your question. Tell him that you love him and ask him how he feels about you. Tell him that you're taking him into confidence and trust that he will not betray your trust by telling his friends.
Q: My girlfriend always wants to know who I'm with and what I'm doing. I'm 18 and she's 19. We've been together for two years, and she had been fine up till now. Lately she has changed – and not for the better at all. Maybe it's because we will be going to different universities. Whatever it is, whenever I step out of doors she'll call me and ask where I'm going. If I don't answer her calls, she'll either phone at home or ask my friends. I'm getting really angry and I keep finding myself saying things I don't mean – and which always makes everything worse. I really do like her and things were perfect before. I've tried explaining to her why I'm so angry all the time but she just can't seem to understand how I feel. The only way I can think of that will suit both of us, is to break up with her – but deep down I know I don't want to. I just want her to stop stressing me out. What should I do? Distressed Boyfriend
A: She's probably feeling insecure because you're going away to a separate institution. That's maybe re-awakened old fears of abandonment that come from her past. You will need to think hard at this point about how you see the future unfolding. If you want this relationship to last then do your best to reassure her. Talk through with her how often you'll be able to see her and how you'll keep in touch like usual. If you're not really sure what you want then she's probably right to be worried. Try your best to be honest with yourself and with her.
Q: I thought our relationship was rock solid so it came as a complete shock when my boyfriend ended it. I am 18, he's 19 and we've been together for three years. He was my first lover and I was his. Our relationship was so special that everyone said they could see us being together forever. Then out of the blue he said he didn't want to be in a relationship any longer, and wanted to enjoy being young, free and single. From what I hear from friends, he's with a new girl every week now. In fact he's getting a bit of a reputation. It has been four months and I am utterly miserable. I have barely spoken to anyone new and I am finding it so hard to move on. My friends have been supportive but I miss him so much. He's never once contacted me by phone, and not even sent a text to see how I am doing. I feel he's destroyed the memories of the wonderful time we had together and what should have been the best years of my life. I cannot even look at any other boy, no one compares to my ex. I just wish he'd walk back in and tell me it's all been a mistake, that he realises he still wants me. Tina, Karachi
A: Sometimes it's just too difficult to stay friends with someone when you've ended a relationship – and the clean break might be best for you in the long run too. Nothing can ever change the wonderful memories of your romance or what you meant to one another. You are both still young and he clearly wasn't ready for serious commitment. It's like he says – he wants to be single and do stuff he's missed out doing as a teenager. You need to focus on yourself now and take the opportunity to blossom yourself. Get out with old friends, make new ones and do new things. If he's not the one for you then you have yet to meet your Mr Right in the future.