Heart TO Heart

Q: I am a 14-year-old girl and my best friend is moving away this week. We've been best friends since class 7 and we've always done everything together. Now her family is moving to Islamabad and the thought of losing her friendship just tears me apart. I do have loads of other friends but she is special to me. I know I should be pleased for her but she just doesn't realise how bad this is making me feel. When I'm with her I feel I can do anything, but now that she's leaving I feel lost. She wants everything to go on as normal until the day she leaves but my mind keeps reminding me that she won't be around for much longer. I just want to be alone and cry but I try to put on a strong face for her sake. At times I think that she doesn't even care about me or how I feel because she keeps going on about how good her new life will be. Help me please. Manal, Karachi
A: I do feel for you. You're close to your friend and you've been through a lot together. I bet it feels like you'll be losing a part of yourself when she goes. Sadly, saying goodbye is part of life. It can't be avoided completely. Try to look at things positively. Feel glad that you've had a close friend and that it's helped you learn about friendship and enjoy life so far. You're growing up and friendships made in your teens don't always survive anyway when you're growing and finding out more about life. Make plans to keep in touch so you can swap new experiences and still laugh about things that you've done together. Then think of your new life and make sure you've got plenty of news to tell her when you get in touch. Find a new interest that will give you something to think about as well as meeting new people. Think about what you want to do with your life that will bring you into contact with other people who share your talents and enthusiasms. Focus on your path ahead and make plans. Be brave and don't forget to tell your friend how much she's meant to you. Thank her for being your friend and it will help you to feel good about life and move on.

Q: I feel so lucky to have such a gorgeous girlfriend that it's turning me into somebody who is obsessively jealous. I'm an 18-year-old guy and my girlfriend is 17. She's beautiful and funny and she makes me smile. She is all I have ever wanted in a girlfriend. I get jealous so easily and I don't want to lose her. She wouldn't cheat on me but if I see her chatting to another lad, thoughts start running through my head and I can't help thinking that she can do better than me. I ring her many times a day and I text her a lot. She says it's okay and it doesn't bother her, but I know how annoying it can be and I think it might be subconsciously bothering her. Is there any way I can stop being jealous so easily and stop being so obsessive? Ali, Lahore
A: By keeping things in perspective – your girlfriend wants to be with you. It is you she loves and you she is in the relationship with. If you make the relationship as good as it can be, nothing is going to rock the world you have together. If you've been cheated on before, these things can play on your mind in your new relationship and you're afraid that history could repeat itself. Bombarding her with texts and phone calls, as you say, can feel claustrophobic and ultimately you'll end up pushing her away. You're relying on being around your girlfriend too much and while she will enjoy you needing her to some extent, she needs some independence and so do you. Find a social life outside of what you have together which will enrich your relationship.
And also, if it still bothers you, learn tactics to ask for reassurance when you need it without being oppressive.

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