|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: My best friend is marrying a guy I don't like. She doesn't know how I feel. If she asks, should I lie to spare her feelings? Zara, Karachi
A: First, ask yourself why you don't like a guy that is making your best friend so happy. Is it jealousy? If you have concrete reasons about your dislike, for example, a character flaw, infidelity, bad attitude etc then it's fine. However, if it's only a general dislike, you perhaps stand to only lose your best friend by making your displeasure known.
Q: I am 26 years old and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for three years. Neither of us wants to get married because a piece of paper doesn't need to define our relationship. But I am having a tough time convincing my parents about it. I don't want to hurt them, but I can't compromise on my beliefs either. What should I do? Anita, Karachi
A: Tell your parents living together is a necessary test patch to see if the marriage is workable and that while living in, both of you will analyse the problems that crop up with day-to-day living and whether familiarity breeds contempt or contentment. It's crucial to determine if a lifetime together is a good idea. Tell them you'd rather have a relationship collapse than a marriage. That will hopefully quell parental resistance, as they will assume it is a stop closer to marriage. Once they are accustomed to it, it will be easier to push the marriage date indefinitely.
Q: I'm 34 and really want to find a husband, but I have a huge crush on a 23-year-old. Should I pursue him, even though he's so young? I am pretty sure he's not looking to get married anytime soon. Would I be wasting my time? Midlife Crisis
A: If you will fill your life with clutter, there will be no space for the right man when he chooses to walk in. The need for a husband versus a non-committal guy is taking you in two polar directions. You need to prioritise and be mentally and emotionally ready for something as serious as marriage if you were to go for the guy.
Q: I am 30 years old. My ex and I were together for three years. But we broke up last year because she wanted to marry me and I wasn't ready at that time. Now I know she's the love of my life, but she's marrying someone else. Do I tell her how I feel, or did I miss my chance? Tariq, Karachi
A: Of course, you must tell her. There is absolutely no harm in doing so and it will be a life-long regret if you don't at least try to make your marriage to her a reality. Just be sure that the reason you now want to marry her isn't just because she's marrying someone else.
Q: I got married (it was an arranged marriage) a year ago and I now live in a joint family with my in-laws and husband. I think that my brother-in-law who is year younger than my husband has got into bad habits. I don't want to tell my husband or in-laws about this as he will then get into trouble with the family. Should I talk to him? Sadia Jawad, Karachi
A: You have been married for just a year and your brother-in-law is only a year younger than your husband. This means that he is probably older than you are and that you really don't have the experience to advise him. So it is better that you tell your husband about your suspicions and let him deal with his brother. You should also tell your husband to find out for himself to check what you suspect is true or not and not involve you in the matter.