|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I am 25 and I don't know why I feel lonely even when I am surrounded by a joint family? I feel so much loneliness that I cry sometimes. Am I sick? Nida
A: It's just that you have made no deep emotional connections with anyone so far. Perhaps it is because you cannot relate to your family members and have restricted access to the world at large. Or perhaps you have issues in trusting others with your life and feelings. The internet is your best bet to find like-minded people and be able to share your emotions, thoughts and desires with relative anonymity. The more you allow yourself to open up and share, the more rewarding and fulfilling your interpersonal relationships will be.
Q: I am 21, still an undergraduate, and in love with a guy who belongs to another sect. We have been dating for a few months now. One day he asked me if I would marry him even if he didn't do well in his career and got a low-paying job and if my father thought I was too good for him. I was shocked by the turn of events. Now I don't know what I should do. Batool
A: Firstly, you say you cannot imagine a life without him, and then start questioning the future based on his finances. If love is not an issue, neither should finances be an issue, as you are educated and can get a job and contribute to the home kitty too. However, if you want a man who will provide for you, then you must think clearly about what matters more and make a decision you can live with.
Q: I am currently in my first serious relationship in a while and have realised that I am completely addicted to it. Time spent away due to holidays etc, is a complete torture. I find myself sobbing at the thought of my boyfriend being away for the next two weeks. I want to spend as much time with him as possible, but then I have had my heart broken before and always look at my relationships with a pessimistic approach. I am constantly thinking that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. I want to stop and get a grip of myself but I can't. Please help. Pessimist!
A: It all boils down to self-worth and dependency issues. You have to figure out why you consider yourself lucky to have him and not vice versa. Also, from experience, I'd like to add that while it's wonderful to be missed and loved to death, men tend to abhor clingy, weepy, pessimistic and insecure women. So it will be your fear of losing him that will possibly drive him away. If you want him to stay, you have to realise that if you don't think you're worth it, neither will he. Change your attitude, change your life.
Q: I am a 31-year-old woman and have found the idea of asking advice from agony aunts quite childish. But I want an answer to one question – what if I never find love? I have been in love but the man didn't love me back. Now I am at an age where finding someone is difficult, mostly because men my age are married by now. How do I cope if I never find someone to marry? Zareen
A: You have experienced love, but not its reciprocity. I always say there is no harm being optimistic – you will send out the right signals. It's all about meeting the right one for you, and if you haven't met one so far, you probably have to look no further than your computer. The internet is full of lonely souls of all ages looking for companionship and love. Take your time filtering them, chatting with them and finding one with the maximum common interests. It's amazing how electric it is when couples share compatibility and grow together, rather than apart. For the record, 31 isn't old at all. There are many, many eligible men out there.