|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I am a 15-year-old girl and I like my art teacher a lot! In fact it's more than a crush because whenever I hear anyone speaking badly of him I get angry and upset, and I find myself swearing at his wife and kids when I see them in their car. I don't want to feel like this because I know nothing can happen as I am just 15 and he is 29 and already married. My feelings get so strong that I've only just managed to stop myself going up to him and saying how I feel. Help! What do I do? Muniba
A: I know this feels like real love but it's not. You don't really know what your teacher is like, you just like how he seems. It's not the same thing. It's really common though at your age to fancy someone who is actually out of reach, like a teacher or an actor or a rock star. We all do it when we're growing up and it feels really real at the time. Try not to let your imagination get carried away with thoughts about him or his family, or you could find you're getting obsessed. Put him out of your mind and put your energies into your own life. Find some new interests and get involved in activities with other people your age. Keep yourself busy and have trust in the fact that you will find someone right for you in good time. Just hang on in there and enjoy being young.
Q: After I told a teacher I was being bullied I was called a grass and picked on even more. I am a 14-year-old girl who is constantly bullied. I am quite tall and slim, and some girls say I look like a model and that I'm stuck up. The truth is I am really shy but I get teased non-stop. Nothing I say makes any difference to them. I plucked up the courage once to tell them to stop and leave me alone but all I got was all of them laughing in my face. I was crying at lunch time one day and a teacher asked what was wrong. She just said I have to face up to bullies if I want them to stop. My mum and dad keep asking me what's wrong because I am miserable at home too, but if I tell them it will just make things worse. They will blow it all up out of proportion, go storming to the school and make a fuss. I do have some friends and they tell me to chill. They say the other girls are just having a laugh and they would stop if I didn't take the bait. It's easy for them as they don't feel the way I do. I feel like hitting these girls but I know that's not the answer. How can I deal with them and get them to stop taunting me? Manal Bashir, Karachi
A: Bullies are cowards who generally hunt in packs. I doubt any one of the girls would be so horrid to you on their own. There is often a ring leader who enjoys the power that goes with making someone else feel uncomfortable. The truth is they have often been victims themselves. The way to deal with them is to learn to be more assertive. That means standing your ground without getting angry or upset. Start to ignore them as far as possible. Just walk away and let them see they have no effect on you. Practice with your friends.
Q: The guy I've got a crush on told me I was ugly, obsessive, annoying and loud after a lovely conversation went wrong. We are both 16 and I've had a crush on him for over a year. We were good friends to start off with and used to chat for hours. His mates used to say that we'd make a good couple and we should go out and stuff. We went bowling on my birthday and everything was great until my mum ruined things. He didn't like the idea of my mum thinking we had a thing going on. Everything fell apart when we argued a few days later. I thought he was still angry, so I left it a month and then apologised and asked him to forgive me. He wouldn't – even after I told him how I felt about him. That's when he insulted me. He also said his parents didn't like me and ran me down so much it really hurt. I saw him when I was with my friend and he walked off to the other side of the school field. Why do you think he hates me? I don't know what to do. Is there any way I could get him back? Zahra, Lahore
A: He is very immature and insensitive and you are lucky you aren't with him. Leave him alone and consider yourself lucky that you got out early. He isn't worth a second look. Only he can explain why he treats you the way he does, what you need to ask is why you are prepared to keep letting him. You deserve better treatment in return for all the love and loyalty you have to give to someone.