|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: My boyfriend dumped me three weeks ago. We worked in the same company, and he was the one who pursued me. However, he was fired and had gone back to Islamabad. There, his mother refused to accept our 7-month-old relationship and he broke up with me. But when I called him back, he apologised and we got back together. I had been helping him get a job, when he left me again, saying he didn't have feelings for me. I am devastated and now I've come to know that he's got a job in Islamabad, but he didn't inform me. I'm unable to move on, as I cannot find a single fault in him. Please tell me what to do. Fatima Shahid, Karachi
A: No faults in him? He made hay while the sun was shining and the moment circumstances changed, he gave you up with amazing readiness. He's either not able to stand up to his mother or is just using her supposed stance as a shield. User, liar, mummy's boy, cold-hearted devil! You can't move on? I'd run as fast as I could. It's okay to make a mistake, but not good to hold on to it or repeat it.
Q: My mother died a few months ago, and now it seems as if anything I do is not enough for my dad. I don't get in any trouble at all, I'm on the honour roll, I don't go out, I obey him, I don't talk back and even cook for him. I do all this and it's still not enough. He never smiles and he never appreciates anything I do for him. I love him so much and I want him to love me back, but it seems as if I'm not good enough. Please tell me what I should do. By the way, talking doesn't help much. I tried and he never changes. Please suggest another solution because it really hurts me. Sameen
A: Your dad's lack of response to you and your good deeds most likely has little or nothing to do with you, it's because of depression. Your father is sad and clinically depressed that may not be in his control or range of understanding. This doesn't mean that you need to stop trying to communicate your feelings, or that you need to cease providing him the things that you described. Do you have others close to you in your life who support and appreciate you as a daughter, sister, cousin, or friend? You obviously deserve this recognition, and if your father cannot, or won't, give it to you now, it is useful – and essential – to get it from somewhere else.
Q: After I gave birth to baby girl seven months ago, I have had intimacy issues, as my husband seems ignorant about it. Please help me, I am confused. Depressed Wife!
A: It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with monotony and exhaustion. Post-partum depression is normal after delivery and so is being fatigued. You need to have a talk with your husband about your needs and also the need for a domestic help. Make a little time every day to pamper yourself, with a pedicure or massage. It will set the stage for happiness and rekindle romance.