Editor-in-Chief & Publisher: MIR JAVED RAHMAN


WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?


Issue Date 24 - 30 Dec, 2016 at 2:00 PM

WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?

Q: Hi! I am a married woman and mother to a four-year-old son. I love my husband a lot and we’ll be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary next month. My husband is very family oriented, but sometimes his behaviour with me becomes really strange and incomprehensible. Even if I unintentionally make a slight mistake, he immediately loses his temper. It could be a minor mistake like breaking something by accident or cooking something that he is not a fan of. We live in a joint family system, I have to take care of everybody’s taste and cook accordingly, but he does not seem to understand that. I don’t know what is with him sometimes. My son recently fell sick so, he started to blame me for not taking enough care and said ‘I was a bad mother’. This is not all, he often holds me responsible for his financial losses and professional issues. Initially, I ignored his behaviour since it happened twice or thrice every month but now it’s getting out of control. Please help! Fatima
A:
Hello Fatima! Living with such a difficult partner is a struggle in itself. The only thing this person needs is proper counselling. The strange thing is that he never did it frequently, as you mentioned it happened twice or thrice every month, however, now it’s somewhat getting out of hand, which leaves me to suppose that there is some sort of psychological issue behind his behaviour. He has some kind of a trigger in his mind that confuses him about the relationship you two share with each other and that can only be probed through a counselling session. Try to convince him and visit a psychologist; a few sessions with a good counsellor will really improve his mental health. If that does not work, involve an elder from your families like you parents-in-law, since they will be better at talking to their son. For now, I will not recommend you to argue with him as that will make things worse, but ask him about his behaviour when he is mad or better yet, walk out of that place immediately to avoid an argument.

WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?Q: Hi! I am a 24-year-old guy and have recently started working at a multinational. Ever since my childhood days, I have had trouble expressing myself. I did not consider it as a real issue initially, but ever since my college days, I started realising that this really impacts my overall personality. I just cannot express myself emotionally to someone. I have extremely good friends and a loving family that anyone would want to have. They all love me a lot and I love them too but the only thing that keeps me a little distant form them is my fear of expression. I do not have the courage to convey my feelings for people I love and care for. My mind goes numb and I feel awkward when someone tries talking to me, particularly when someone asks me personal questions, I simply respond with short and snappy answers. Even though, I want to talk to people and tell them about my feelings, but I cannot because of my introverted personality. Now that I am working, I really need to work on my social skills. Please tell what to do. Majid
A:
Hi Majid! Being introverted does not mean that you do not express your feelings at all. In fact, there are lots of people who may not be extroverted but are still very good at expressing their feelings to people they meet. A lot of introverts are known to be extremely good public speakers. Being expressive is one thing and sharing things about your life is something else. You said you have good friends, therefore, I am sure that among those friends you have a confidant as well, who knows you inside out. Be as expressive as you can with that one person, as he/she can help you get over the anxiety when in social gatherings or otherwise. Also, take up classes that can help you socialise with different people such as start going to a gym or exercise otherwise, as that really boosts a person’s confidence level. You can also start learning a skill or take up a new hobby to adept yourself with new innovations and environments. These changes may sound minute or rather impossible, but they leave immense impact on an individual’s persona.





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