|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: Mine is an age-old situation. I have fallen in love with my best friend's boyfriend. The more she tells me about him, the more I feel that I am better suited for him than she is. He is besotted with her but I know that if I turn on my charm, he will be in my grasp. What is holding me back is the idea that my friend will be grief-stricken if I do this. I will lose my best friend but I will gain a great boyfriend. Should I not think of my happiness too? Ayesha Ali, Lahore
A: You are well within your rights to woo this guy and deceive your best friend. After all, if he does get attracted to you, she is better off without this weak-minded chap who drops her as soon as another girl winks at him. Does that not make you think too that he is liable to ditch you also for another girl? After all, he too can play by your rules, can't he? In truth, what you want to do is ethically wrong, underhand and unscrupulous. You can never build your own home on the ruins of another's. If you have any conscience, you will be unable to live with yourself. Your friend's circle too will shun you. So think hard and deep before you do anything.
Q: I am a 14-year-old girl who has a habit of writing her innermost thoughts in a diary. Last week, I was shocked to find my mother reading the diary. When I yelled at her, she said she, as a mother, has every right to do this and that I should not keep any secrets from her. She left me very upset and disturbed. Is she right? Aelia Saad, Karachi
A: Frankly, no! No one has the right to intrude on another's personal space or privacy, even if that person is a child. Perhaps, your mother sincerely feels that there is nothing wrong with what she did. It is simply her point of view, but your anguish and affront is very understandable.
A suggestion: never leave your personal diary, or any other thing, around the room where anyone can take it. Keep your things locked in your cupboard without making a big issue of this. There are some cute diaries which come with a locking strap system. This is ideal for diary enthusiasts.
Q: I was always a mild-tempered girl but nowadays I am always on a short fuse. The smallest thing makes me blow my top. I am myself surprised by this. Why am I so irritable? I am 14 years old. Fabiya, Karachi
A: The turbulent teen years can make a youngster quite irritable and crabby. Blame it on the influx of hormones which flood her or his body at this time. You may also find yourself disturbed by unusual feelings, of attractions towards boys, or rebellion against authority, a desire to make your own decisions without feeling hemmed in by others' views. These are all characteristics of a youngster on the threshold of becoming an adult. Relax, stop feeling guilty or blaming yourself. Recognise it as a part of growing up. If your irritability is accompanied by fatigue and drowsiness, you could be anaemic. See your doctor to find out if you need a pick-me-up.
Q: I am a 15-year-old girl who has a sleep problem. I cannot get to sleep till about 2 o'clock in the morning, and then, I have to get up at six to get ready for school. Due to this, I feel tired and drained, and fall asleep in class even during an exam. The doctor says that there is nothing wrong with me, and refuses to give me a sleeping pill. He wants me to relax and take things easy. I am desperate. Please help. Sara
A: Adolescence is a difficult time of changes and adjustments, and this can cause a lot of invisible stress and anxiety in youngsters. Stress, an overactive mind, anxiety, so many things can keep sleep off from sensitive minds. First of all, stop worrying over your insomnia as this itself can keep off sleep. A little sleep deprivation will not harm you. Stop drinking stimulants like tea, coffee and even aerated drinks completely. Learn meditation techniques from a yoga teacher. Avoid watching TV or reading gripping books at bedtime. Make a quiet routine for turning in, this should help you to sleep better. If nothing helps, consult a sleep expert who will try to adjust your circadian cycles with some scientific methods.