Heart TO Heart

Q: My boyfriend hates my best friend who has a few bad habits. How do I make him understand that I can't stop talking to my friend, and that his bad habits don't make him a bad person? Komal, Karachi
A: How can you claim to be best friends with someone and not have made him overcome his bad habits? If you had, your friendship would have had more weight and a clean energy to it. How do you expect your boyfriend to be comfortable with you being around someone who is not in their senses? This is one of those compromises that become integral to relationships.

Q: Is it possible to fall in love after just hearing their name? That's what happened to me and I'm someone who never believed in magic. I met this man on the first day of work and we clicked instantly. We talked as if we both knew each other for many years. Everything was perfect. One day I confessed that I really liked him, but he said he's in love with his ex-girlfriend. It's been a year now and I still cannot stop thinking about him and find no man good enough. How do I let go of him? Sabina, Lahore
A: There's a saying, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was. In this case, I would add, set it free, and set yourself free. He's living in the past, and you're living in the future, and that's a dreadful recipe for a relationship. Treasure the memory, the magic of every surreal moment, but it is time to head back to reality. It's your choice whether to land with a thud, or sail off gracefully like a swan.

Q: I am 20 years old. I've been with my college mate for the past two years. But he has lost interest in me now and says that he doesn't love me anymore. His words and actions are very painful and depressing. He also said that loving me was the biggest mistake of his life. I really can't understand what made him change so much. I'm very sure he does not have any other woman in his life. I can't live without talking to him and this makes me call him even after he insults me repeatedly. Is this how relationships are? How can I make him love me again? Hina, Karachi
A: It's said that if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away and if he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. Rejection can be very painful and damaging to one's self-esteem. Remind yourself that you must have been pretty amazing for him to fall in love with you in the first place. So what if he wants to move on? Just because something was good for a period of time, it doesn't mean it will or has to last forever. And no, not all relationships are hurtful, short-term or cruel. He didn't deserve you. The man that does will never let you go.

Q: My younger sister is 30 years old. She got married some years ago, but her husband used to drink a lot and beat her, and now she is in the process of getting a divorce. She met a college friend who had proposed to her earlier. She had refused then because she wanted to marry the boy our parents selected. The guy again showed interest in her; after a year she proposed to him and he said yes. She was so happy, but the next day he emailed her saying he had done it to exact revenge. She has now lost interest in marriage. How do I convince her? Shayaan Khurshid, Karachi
A: That's awful! Please do not push her into marriage immediately. She is scarred and emotionally weary. She needs to rest and go through emotional catharsis, therapy and end the stages of loss to regain her emotional strength and balance. She's only 30 and it's probably for the best if she focuses on her career while she heals herself emotionally. Loving, reliable and nurturing relationships will only happen once she is ready. Give her space for now.
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Dermatologist
Dr Shah Hussain

Q: I am in my late 20s. How do I get rid of the wrinkles next to my eyes? Fariya, Lahore
A: The best treatment for your crow's feet is a shot of Botox. The treatment is 100 per cent effective and completely safe. Botox is a natural purified protein approved by US FDA and is injected in very small quantities to relax the muscles that cause wrinkles. The effect lasts for four to six months. Botox also prevents newer wrinkles from forming, apart from knocking off the existing ones, thus helping in anti-ageing.

Q: I have oily skin and even though I use oil-free moisturiser, my skin becomes shiny and greasy by the end of the day. Should I keep washing my face throughout the day? Wafa Khan, Karachi
A: If your skin is oily, choose your cleanser with care. Try a face wash that contains salicylic acid. Avoid heavy cleansing creams. Wash your face two to three times a day with warm water, as it dissolves oil better than cold water. Always opt for gel-or water-based sunscreens and oil-free moisturisers. Before putting on any makeup, use a primer. Primers provide a clean base to your makeup and absorb excess oils. You could also carry oil blotting pads to soak up the excess oil throughout the day.

Q: I would like to know what the procedure is if I want to get a tattoo removed. How much time is the procedure likely to take? Jessica Khan, Islamabad
A: Tattoos can be removed with a Q-switched Nd:Yag laser. The laser targets the tattoo ink with pulses of highly concentrated light, breaking the ink into tiny fragments, which are then cleared away by your own immune system. However, the procedure can't be done in just one sitting, if you have a bigger, irregular shaped tattoo. You may require around six sessions at an interval of six weeks each to get the tattoo removed completely. Usually, there is no scar and the treatment is safe and effective. Small tattoos can be removed in one sitting with no scarring.

Q: I have extremely oily skin, and lately I've noticed that my scalp smells a little strange. I shampoo my hair every alternate day but that doesn't help. What should I do? Ameena, Karachi
A: You may have a mild fungal infection of the scalp or seborrhoeic dermatitis. Use a shampoo containing 2 per cent ketoconazole with ZPTO at least twice a week. You should apply it on a clean scalp and keep it on for about 10 minutes before rinsing it off. You could also wash your hair daily with a mild baby shampoo. Wash your comb with hot water to avoid the build up of debris that may aggravate the infection. Avoid wearing caps and helmets, as sweat may collect in it and increase the fungal infection.
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General Physician
Dr Sadqa Gul

Q: I had a cartilage and ligament operation on my left knee 13 years ago. Lately, my knee is giving me trouble. It's got so bad that I'm having trouble even walking on it. When I'm getting up out of a chair I have to be very careful. What should I do? Ahmed, Lahore
A: You need to be re-assessed and part of that assessment should include an x-ray examination of your knee. It is possible that x-ray films still exist from the time of your operation 13 years ago. The radiologist would be able to compare and contrast the old and new films and give an opinion on the amount of change that may have developed. Given the degree of trouble that you had with your knee before, which necessitated surgery, it is possible that you have developed arthritis in the left knee.

Q: I'm a 34-year-old male and 10 years ago I underwent an arthroscopic knee procedure to fix a torn ligament, without success. My knee is deteriorating. Is there anything I can do to alleviate the problem? Kamal Ali, Karachi
A: I think your problem needs to be reassessed. You say that the previous surgery was not successful which means that there must have been some degree of instability in your knee joint over the past ten years. This raises the possibility of having sustained further damage to the ligament, which in turn could give rise to increased "wear and tear" on the bone structures in the knee joint. If you were overweight it would certainly be beneficial to your knee if you shed a few pounds. Apart from that specific advice I think you need to get an expert opinion especially since you are only 34-years old.