Q: My family is facing problems because of my brother who has been married since quite a few years to a woman whom he believes he was forced to marry at a young age. He has two young children and a caring wife, but he thinks that now he has found the woman he loves and wants to settle down with her while divorcing his first wife. His current wife wants him to marry the other woman while not divorcing her but he isn’t agreeing. He plans on looking after his children and supporting them financially. I really am worried for my sister-in-law is a very nice woman and my entire family is getting disturbed because of my brother’s decision. Should I take him to a psychiatrist? Please help my family out. Nausheen
A: Your brother is a grown up man which means he very well knows what is he getting into. Firstly, it’s ok he’s your brother and you’re worried about him, but you and your family need to understand that it is his personal life and you cannot decide what he should be doing, irrespective of what is right or wrong. If he thinks he was forced to marriage earlier and is now looking forward to settling down with another woman, let him live his own life. And why would you want to take him to a psychiatrist? It’s not that he has any problems which need to be addressed. It’s simply that he has realised he’s found someone whom he likes and there is no harm in it. All you and your family can do is accept his decision no matter you like it or not.
Q: My parents have been fighting since the past couple of years and it has been troubling me since quite some time. We live in a joint family with my grandparents and uncle’s family. My dad and my uncle look after the same business but since we are a bigger family, my dad ends up taking out more money. On the other hand my aunt is really snobbish and mistreats my mother and grandmother and doesn’t help them in the housework. When my mom complains, my father ends up beating her and at times the situation has worsened to the extent that my father wanted to divorce my mom and it was me who stepped in and helped them talk things out. This has been effecting my studies. Please help me out. Khurram
A: There are a few things which no matter how hard you try to prevent, they can’t be sorted unless the person(s) it is associated to, aren’t willing to sort the problem out. In your case, what you need to do is go out of the room when your parents are quarrelling and not intervene. You can talk to either of them when they have cooled down and let them know whatever you feel and how it is effecting your studies. It must be difficult for you to keep a sane, calm mind, but it is not an ideal world. You can repeatedly talk to them but you can’t sort their issues. Things can only be resolved if the husband and the wife sit down and talk rather than the husband hitting or shouting. If your parents are willing, ask them to visit a councellor or a therapist who can help them. Don’t fret too much and if you think you cannot hold the pressure, try getting involved in activities that you like. Play a sport, exercise or simply hang out with friends. Also, if you feel you want to remove the negativity built up inside you, you can always write or paint. Stay happy, stay positive. Cheers!