|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I m a 22-year-old girl deeply in love with a 40 year old man. We have a very strong emotional bonding and want to get married. Problem is that both of us are not sure that whether we can live happily together despite the age difference between the two of us. What shall we do? Arifa Raheel, Karachi
A: People's personalities, values, likes, dislikes and ambitions evolve as they grow. I fear that you two may not always be on the same page as far as what you want out of life. At 22, you have your entire youth in front of you – you have many carefree years to focus on yourself, pursue higher education, build a career, spend time with family and friends, travel...you literally can do whatever you wish to! He's already done the things that you want to do, so he may not be that keen on those activities and interests. You may not realise this now but you might end up resenting him for this later. For example, take the issue of children – you're very young and may want to wait for a few years to start a family while he might want that much sooner. Or he might prefer staying home and reading a book on weekends while you might want to go out and have some fun. You need to sit down together and have a nice long talk about this. Here's what I would suggest. Each of you should separately write down what you see yourselves doing 2, 5,10,15,20 years down the line. Then compare the answers and see if you agree. Don't make any impulsive decisions because in real life, love is really not enough. There are a lot of practical matters to be considered as well.
Q: I am a 13-year-old girl and I want to get over my shyness with boys, or at least get over my jealousy of girls who are more confident with them. I'm in class 10 and have a few close friends. It's the more distant friends who are making me feel like I'm not keeping up. A lot of these girls are becoming quite close to boys. They talk about this in front of me, about where they're going to meet before the party and what they're going to wear. It's really awkward for me because I don't have the confidence to talk to anyone who is senior in school to me. Do you know any way of helping me get over my shyness and talk to the boys? Those girls are making me jealous. Sidra
A: There's no need to feel jealous. These are girls are pushing to grow up as fast as they can but there's really no rush – and they might even come to regret finding themselves in situations they're not really ready to deal with. In a year or two you'll find your relationships with others start to fall into place more, even with boys. Just be yourself and get to know the people around you as friends. Trust your instincts and don't let yourself be drawn in towards people who you feel might be using you or in some way are out for themselves. Think about taking up interests outside of the classroom which will help you to meet new people and have something in common to talk about.
Q: I'm a 19-year-old university student from a small city. I like a guy who is very handsome, dashing, a heartthrob of many girls, and a good person too. Whenever I look at him, sometimes his sight also catches my eyes and that increases my breathing. Sometimes it seems as if he also has some feelings for me. But we have never spoken to each other. In the past couple of months there were rumours that he and another beautiful girl of our college were having an affair, but I really like him. I need some suggestions on whether I should step forward and tell him how I feel or just abort all my feelings. Nadia
A: It's always nice to hear that someone likes you. So, if you're sure that this guy is decent and won't take advantage of your affection for him, there's really no harm in verbalising your thoughts. Tell him you would want to be friends and get to know him better. Take it each step at a time and see how it unfolds.