|Heart TO Heart
For relationship advice and more, talk to your super-smart Sis.
Q: I've been with my boyfriend for six years. He's perfect but he's a coward; he cannot fight with his family for me and they won't accept me. I don't know what to do. Sara
A: I've always said that a marriage should be a union of two individuals who want to share the rest of their lives together. He sounds like an almost perfect person and since you have invested so many years, it's a pity to walk away by letting your insecurities get the better of you. .Remember, circumstances in life do change; the person is what you are left with at the end of it all.
Q: I am 25 and in love with a 33-year-old married man who has promised me that he will marry me in two years after divorcing his wife. I love him a lot and know that he loves me too. But my boyfriend is a very difficult guy to deal with as he has frequent mood swings and sometimes uses abusive language. Am I doing the wrong thing? I am confused because I love him, but am unable to decide what to do. I am desperate to get married to him and just keep on fighting with him to marry me soon. Tayyaba
A: Why has he imposed a two-year waiting period? If he's so unhappy with his wife, he should leave her immediately. Are you so hell-bent on being married to this abusive, moody, difficult married man that your common sense about choice of life partner and instincts about the situation aren't working? Don't you think he is having his cake and eating it too?
Q: I am a 42-year-old man and am in love with a 21-year-old girl. Her mum doesn't want us to be together because of the age difference. I love her and she is a great person. What do you suggest we do? Basit, Lahore
A: However, 21 is an awfully young age to be getting married to someone over two decades older. I suggest you don't rush things. Allow time to show you both the long-term potential of the relationship. Give it a couple of years before you make any decisions. It will also give you adequate time to get the mother to warm up to you.
Q: I am a working woman, married for 13 years with a 10-year-old child. My husband works for an MNC and travels a lot. For the past seven years I have been close to a man from work. He is a very efficient and a good person who has been married for six years and has two kids. Recently, he told me that he loved me. At first, I just ignored him, but he's quite insistent. He says he is aware of his responsibility towards his family and also understands my responsibility towards mine. He just wants to be in touch with me. I have always been advising him and as a result have started talking to him after office hours too. I also have strong feelings for him now. I don't want to lose him nor do I want to be unfaithful to my family. Please advise on how I should handle this situation. Sahar, Karachi
A: It's a typical start to an extramarital affair and also a typical workplace romance scenario. If you want to play out the neglected wife, tune to justify your infidelity, just realise that it will have repercussions. It seems like he's headed for his seven-year itch and that your marriage might possibly fall apart. If you're found out, your child will be adversely affected and the work environment will get stressful. Is it worth it? Keep your interactions friendly during office hours and make it clear that if he respects you and wants the friendship, he should never cross the line in words or actions.