The sagacious Super Sis is here to make life a little less complicated for you all. This week I am awed by the generosity of this person. There are such people out there who help others unconditionally. But those in need should know when to draw the line…
Dear sis,
A lot of my friends are unemployed and they keep coming to me for money. I have enough to give and I love being able to help, but it's really getting out of hand now. I work long hours and I am beginning to resent being a personal piggy bank. Am I being taken advantage of? How can I get out of this situation?
- Friend Indeed.
Dear 'there in need',
Well, lets see, that's quite a problem but nothing that super sis can't solve. Let me tell you, this world is a mean cold place. Nice people like yourself are always taken advantage of. I'm afraid you'll have to pull back on the giving because others never pull back on the taking. That doesn't mean you will have to stop being generous as you love helping others. However, if your friends have started treating you like a bank, you'd better start behaving like one. Instead of shelling out nilly willy, examine each case on its merits and give only when you see that someone's need is real. One thing you haven't made clear, do you give money out of generosity or you have some sort of a misplaced guilt factor that you make more money than your friends? For if it's the latter, let me tell you that you work very hard to earn that money and deserve every penny of it. Your friends, who seem to bank on you every time they are in a tight spot are being a bit, shall I say, selfish. So don't feel guilty. It's OK to say 'no' when you don't feel like dishing out money. In the end, I must tell you, true friends love each other, rich or poor; generous or empty-handed. Your real friends will love you even if you will stop bearing monetary gifts.
Dear Sis,
I have two children, a daughter and a son. Both are in the age group of 4 and 5. My problem is they both fight a lot. They are always at loggerheads with each other. I have tried to tell them not to do so but to no avail. I am afraid they will have this negative behaviour towards each other even when they grow up. What should I do to make them realize each other's worth.
- Samina Aziz, Karachi.
Dear Sam,
You have taken me to my childhood - the days gone by when everything was a bone of contention between my brother and me. Sibling rivalry is very natural. Many a times when the age gap between two siblings is less, they tend to have this kind of behaviour. Most probably because the elder one feels neglected and thinks that the younger one is more loved. What children do not realize that their relationship with each other is forever and they have to mend ways and carry on rather than bicker about every other issue. They are still at a very tender age.
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There personalities can be molded in such a fashion that they will start realizing each other's worth. Encourage them to be best of friends and to seek every opportunity to develop the bond of closeness. Reprimanding the siblings is not enough. You should focus on positive reinforcement. Tell them what the right and positive behaviour would be in a particular situation. Encourage them to compliment each other whenever one has achieved something or is looking good. And do this with both. Don't expect more from the elder one because he/she is also too young. Be polite yourself and be persistent in working towards their relationship. Check yourself and see if you are scolding one child every time when a fight starts. If that is so, change your attitude. Let each child know that you are not happy when they fight and both are equal for you. Patience is a virtue and you will have to be really calm and collected while dealing with this problem. Things will improve soon.
