For relationship advice and more talk to your Super-smart Sis
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Q: This girl and I have been together for four years now. I meet her frequently and it seems like we’ve been dating exclusively. But she recently told me that she “doesn’t want a boyfriend” right now. She spends good time with me but says she’s not my girlfriend. What’s the deal? Asif Mir
A: I don’t know why you are complaining, especially as you are friends with this girl. Just because she wants to keep her options open, doesn’t mean it is the end of the world. Do remember that she is also giving you an opportunity to keep your options open at the same time. So enjoy the freedom!
Q: My best friend (girl) is also my boyfriend’s best friend. Okay, she’s known him longer than me. But I really, really get irritated when she hangs out with him when I am not there. She stays closer to his house and he meets her everyday on way to college. I realise my reasoning is somewhat irrational, but I feel terrible about this! Should I talk to them or am I overreacting? Saba
A: The fact that your best friend spends more time with your boyfriend than you do is getting to you, and it’s quite natural. Take her into confidence and if she genuinely does not have any intentions of robbing your boyfriend, then she will level with you. But if she has any devious intentions, then she will give you a run for your money. By taking her into confidence, you will clear the air. So do it now!
Q: I have been in a dead marriage for the past five years. My husband and I just don’t get along. We used to fight a lot before but these days, we don’t even communicate. We have a two-year-old son and because of him, divorce is not an option. But I am so unhappy and walking into my home almost feels as if I am entering an enemy camp. What do I do? Bushra
A: Remember, do not use your son as an excuse to remain in an acrimonious and unhappy marriage. The child will be the most affected eventually. He will reconcile to having two relatively happy parents living separately, rather than the two living in a house pregnant with tension. Remember, children are like sponges, they absorb everything around them, including unhappiness. So make a move and get out of your marriage. At the same time, your husband and you should bring up your son amiably.
Q: I am a 22-year-old woman and I come from a very conservative family. In our family girls are not encouraged to talk to male cousins or brothers-in-law, so I grew up never talking to them. But I went away to study in a college in a big city and that has changed me. I work in the city and live in a ladies’ hostel. Whenever I come home I talk to my cousin brothers and my sisters’ husbands. Recently my eldest sister told me that she does not like my behaviour and that I am making myself cheap. I am heartbroken and feel like committing suicide. How can I make my sister and the rest of my family understand how I feel? Sara Ali
A: You went away, saw the world and changed. The other members of your family did not and that is the very reason that your sister has misunderstood your behaviour. You cannot force people to understand you, but when they express their doubts, you can explain yourself to them. So explain to your sister that you feel your cousins and brothers-in-law are exactly like brothers to you and that you would like to be close to them. But if she objects to your talking to her husband, distance yourself from him in the interest of family peace. Be yourself, but do not create unnecessary waves in the family. You live away from them, so you can live your life as you want to in the city and try and fit in when you come home – though, given the opportunity, you should speak up and explain yourself.
But if your parents try to arrange your marriage make it clear to them that you are no longer the conservative girl you once were and that you cannot adjust to a very traditional family.
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