Remember back then when I decided to start a blog. I was excepting Ibrahim, and Fawad forced me to resign from my job; I still kind of hate him for doing that to me. Well, I actually did start that blog but forgot to share it with you guys. In my defense, I was busy vegetating in a coma too soon after my baby popped, so I really didn’t have a huge choice.

The blog didn’t truly pick up, to be honest; huge gaps in my personal life prevented me from being consistent. But here’s an entry I would like to make public today with all my readers. Here’s one of many entries to follow.

The morning dew. (that’s my blog’s name by the way).

“For today, I will give you my disquieting take on YouTube channels and you tubers. Now I’m not talking about the Hassan Minhaj’s or Lilly Singh’s out there. Though, I want to. But I’ll get back to them later. I am talking about the ones who work from home and share recipes and home cleaning ways and makeup routines and you know the rest.

Now, personally I don’t have anything against them. In fact, I love the way that these women are self-made entrepreneurs and have managed to make a space and place for themselves in the digital world. And to be honest, they have definitely come a long way. I mean, with kids and all it can’t be easy to be so self-disciplined and so focused. Your house just can’t be that clean, your kitchen that organised. Grocery shopping is such a breeze and why don’t your kids ever shout or cry? You see, that’s exactly my point.

We never get to see the rejected clips, the edited portions of the “reality show” so to speak. All the elements of what’s real, the raw, the hurt, even the real exuberance are all taken out. Humanity is sucked out completely.

Kind of reminds me when the shocking news of Anthony Michael Bourdain’s suicide ran across the social media and all other news headlines. On screen this man was living the life. What could be better than being a travelogue food critique? He didn’t just get to travel but he got to taste and experience cuisine and culture in so many different parts of the world. He was the envy of many. Yet he was depressed. That side of his life was off camera, they were sections of film on floor of an editing room. The captured face of sadness was never aired. What went on inside that beautiful man’s mind will never be known.

Watching these shows is seriously giving me major insecurities. I mean my home is not as spick and span as Sarah’s or my food doesn’t seem as healthy as Beaton’s. I don’t know what to cook in my Crockpot because my stew needs to be stir-fried till the oil rises to the top like my mom taught me!

And my home is hardly immaculate or orderly for a camera shot let alone a video. How can I make my home look so pristine?

For all we know they hire a cleaning staff just before the takes. For all we know when their children are “taking a nap”, they are in fact at a day care. We will never know. We are not supposed to know. It won’t be good for their business.

These women are being paid to shave their heads so why won’t they do it? Just like the beauty industry, they are setting impossible standards of lifestyles and living for the ordinary man and woman out there, even though I don’t think many men are really watching them. They should, you know. They will realise how productive and busy a woman is inside the house when he leaves for work. But then again these online women are so perfect; the men will begin developing impossible expectations from their own wives and then that Pandora box will rear its ugly head, “why can’t you be like her…” you all women out there know exactly where that conversation is heading. I don’t need to tell you…some of you men will know too, I’m sure. Recall the time you said it last and what ensued…ahan.

I can envision many divorces along the way in the future. “I left her because she couldn’t keep house clean like Sarah or Mary or Emma…” complained the unsatisfied husband.

So, I guess keep your men away from them, please. Point noted.

I have been told by many young mothers like myself that these YouTubers are teaching hacks and many a times age-old tricks that we have forgotten, on say how to save money or change a diaper of a sleeping kid or how to present a nice decent meal to your husband at the day’s end. Some even go as far as to talk about bedroom advice. Blush blush.

And I’ve learnt from them too, definitely; I am not ashamed to admit it. But when does it stop? When does their influence stop in my life? When will I feel that I don’t need to be like them to be happy? I’ve deep-cleaned my house, I’ve organised my cupboards, I have de-cluttered and I am almost a minimalist, as much as a Pakistani can be. I have learnt the jargon. I know what the Kon Marie Method is. Now what? Where do I go from here? My kid has never before been so perfectly nourished at school with a lunch box that has been divided into parts and sections. Fawad’s skin glows because I gave his face a deep cleanse too on Sunday along with my self-pampering routine.

With all that perfection flaunted in my face; at some point I begin to question my home ethics and my self-discipline. Wasn’t I the perfect wife and mother and homemaker before the YouTube craze? Did I hear you say, redefine yourself, learn something new? Baby, I’ve been redefining myself since I was born. That’s how I began to walk after I learnt how to crawl.

I know what you’re all thinking now. And you’re right. Having a personal coach like them is so, so convenient. But my question is still that same. When should I feel complete and contented? I am constantly rating myself against an impossible yardstick. I reach an optimum and they just take it up a notch. I am beginning to show signs of wear trying to keep up with them and I often feel anxious and depressed.

I know they are just giving us options but I want to be perfect like them…ahhhh…and when I cannot I feel like a failure.

So, you see my dilemma. I will leave it to you to find peace on this subject.”

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