How to deal with a breakup?

Breakups can be very hard to deal with, as it is a scientifically established fact that emotional pain from breaking up can actually feel like physical pain to people. Research has shown that parts of the brain that get activated as a response to physical pain also get activated after a breakup. So what can a person, who has recently gone through a breakup do to get over the pain? For starters, he or she should sit with the pain and discomfort for a while and try not to suppress the painful feelings.

There can be a healthy outlet of emotions through writing a journal, talking to a trusted friend or family member. The reason for going through the grief is that if it’s suppressed initially, it can come out later in more challenging forms. Grieving ultimately leads to acceptance, which is again an important part of the healing process.

Self-nurturing in such times can be very helpful. Going for walks, adopting a pet, taking a short trip to a new place and learning a new skill can speed up the healing process. What doesn’t help is blaming oneself for the break up, being very bitter about the ex, stalking them on social media or feeling unworthy of love and attention. Negative feelings should be replaced with positive thoughts such as “why does this always happen to me?” can be replaced with “I’m going to learn from my experience and make better choices in future.”

Lastly, the patterns of behavior need to be looked at and some self reflective questions need to be asked such as “why am I attracted to a certain type of partner?”, “Am I the chaser or the runner in a relationship?”, “Do I suffer from self-esteem issues?” and “Do I seek validation and happiness through a partner?” Answering these questions honestly can help you build healthier relationship in the future. •